Icarus Black
by remussssjl
Summary: Being the son of late Marlene McKinnon and Regulus Black just made things worse for the lonely Hufflepuff werewolf. Only to others, his biggest fault wasn't being a disgrace to his family name, but it was for accepting who he was. He was proud; proud of being a werewolf. He didn't chose to be who he was, and he sure as hell didn't want to change what he couldn't.
1. The Lone Wolf

Things couldn't have confused me more; everything was just a tangled mess. I just wish there was a way i could see them... But no, things always ended up like this. There were 2 sides, always have been, why couldn't they just decide? It was pretty simple. All the negative thoughts I'd been bottling up for my whole life were finally letting themselves out. It wasn't my fault.

All my life, I've pretended to be someone I'm not. It was all a bloody act, and I've just gotten so tired of it. Knowing that I'd be a monster in front of everyone if the truth came out, it's the only reason I keep up the act. I was a Black-McKinnon, but I still told everyone I'm a McKinnon. It wasn't even my choice. And that wasn't the half of it. Dumbledore thinks it'd be a safer if I kept on lying, about _every, bloody thing. _And it just makes me feel like even more of a monster. After all: what would people say if they found out the quiet Hufflepuff seeker is the son of a Death Eater, and on top of it all, a werewolf.

But even Dumbledore can be foolish, I reckon.

I buried my head into my pillow and slept. It was the only logical solution to my very illogical problem. When I woke up, we had reached Hogwarts. I hurriedly pushed my way out of the train. I just wanted to get out of there. The whisper "Sirius Black" slithered around and followed me as I made my way to the carriages.

"Icarus!" shouted Zacharias, my roommate. "Did u read the papers?"

"No. Leave me alone, Zach."

"Jeez, I just wanted to ask how you were. Y'know, with all that's been going on lately."

"And what exactly has been going on lately?"

"Well, Sirius Black's loose _and,"_ he smirked, "I heard you gave Malfoy a taste of your killer right hook."

I chuckled. "I did no such thing,"

_Sirius Black?_ The first time I'd heard of his name, was a week ago. He was my uncle, and also my only living relative. "And you know I don't care about Sirius Black. I've got nothing to do with him."

"He's your uncle!"

I grinned, "He's the uncle of practically every Slytherin."

Zach laughed, "Well, catch'ya later"

After dinner in the Great Hall, and the sorting ceremony, we all headed to our dormitories. At the moment, the only place that felt like home was the Hufflepuff common room. It smelled like fresh cookies made by my Grandma on a Saturday afternoon; like heavy rain pouring in the forest. It was filled with all sorts of magical plants, thanks to Professor Sprout.

"Hey, McKinnon," The prefect, Cedric Diggory called out as he made his way through the entrance of the Common Room. "Dumbledore's callin' you. He'll be in his office, y'know where it is?"

"Uh yeah." _Why's everyone being so nice to me? _

_"_And the password's Toffee Eclairs."

And so, I made my way to the Headmaster's office, I just hoped it wasn't about Sirius Black.

The inside of the Office was, to say the least, beautiful. The walls were covered with portraits of previous headmasters. "Phineas Nigellus Black," I read out.

"Yes?" The portrait spoke out in arrogance.

"Nothing," Honestly, I felt kind of stupid, speaking to a portrait.

"You called me, Headmaster?" I asked Dumbledore, who somehow, hadn't even noticed me yet.

"Yes, Mr. Black-" The portrait of Phineas Black let out an "_Oh."_, "I wanted to talk about, well, your guardian-"

"Oh"

"-I'm afraid the last of your maternal side, the McKinnon's, was your Grandma."

"I'm aware, sir. But I- I'm old enough to manage things myself." I argued, I knew that the only other option were the Malfoys' and I definitely didn't want to live with them.

"You're still a minor, Icarus. Your other option, however, are the Malfoys'."

I let out a loud groan.

Dumbledore let out a helpless sigh. "Now I know that you won't enjoy their company, but they're your legal guardians. And I can't help that. Whether you'd like to stay with them or not is your decision. And as you know already, you've inherited Number 12 Grimmauld Place along with the Black ancestral money,"

"Use it wisely!" Phineas Black interrupted.

"I understand, Headmaster." I frowned, feeling exasperated.

"And also, I have to warn you, McKinnon, don't go looking around for Sirius Black. It's for your own safety."

I chuckled. "Why would I go looking for Sirius Black? I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know me so he can't harm me anyways."

He looked at me as if to say, "Just don't be foolish."

As I left the room, I couldn't help but think about my parents - Marlene McKinnon and Regulus Black. My father died 3 months before I was born, and my mother just 2 years after. The death eaters had killed her whole family, but my grandmother survived, and she raised me. But even she passed away right before my third year. And now, I was more alone than ever. Even at school. I suppose it wasn't that sad though. Honestly, I kind of wished that there was a way Sirius Black knew me, I know he's a murderer and all, but I just couldn't help but think about it.


	2. The Truth

It was Christmas time, my lips were dry and cold and my face, pale from all the snow. And the hot butterbeer seemed to help. I sat in the Three Broomsticks, it was pretty peaceful. And it hadn't been like that in a long time.

Until, Harry Potter entered. Trouble followed him. I suppose I don't really have a problem with him, I knew what it was like, being an orphan. And if rumors were true - he's had a much worse childhood than me. And after the last Quidditch match, I did feel kind of bad, being the Hufflepuf seeker.

There was only one vacant place, that too, in the middle of the room. Harry, Ron and Hermione whispered to each other and then looked at me. _What was happening here_, I thought. Hermione came up to me and asked, "Hey, McKinnon, um - you see, Harry here isn't actually supposed to be in Hogsmeade, do you mind if we sit with you at the back?"

I bit my inner lip, and delayed my answer a bit. Only to seem as if I had other things to do with my life. "Uh, yeah. It's completely fine." I said, after a moment, pretending it didn't take me more than 2 seconds to make that decision.

Hermione sat down, and Ron and Harry followed her, although hesitantly. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." I chuckled at how Ron and Harry acted as though I was going to bite them. "I'll go get you guys some butterbeer." I asked. Seeing as how awkward the atmosphere was getting, I wanted to leave the scene.

"Extra sugar for mine." Ron added.

I nodded in response.

I made my way to the counter. "Merry Christmas, Madam Rosmerta-"

Madam Rosmerta smiled, "Merry Christmas!" She looked up at me and her smile broke, and her eyes widened. I really did resemble my uncle a bit more than my own father.

"Could I get three butterbeers, one with extra sugar?" I smiled, even though I didn't feel like it, especially after being mistaken for a mass murderer. "Oh - and also a refill for this one." I handed over my cup.

"That'll be 2 Galleons and 7 sickles."

I put my hand in my pocket and put the coins on the counter.

"Three butterbeers and a refill coming right up!" She magicked the butterbeers right into my arms.

I went back to the table, carrying four foaming tankard of hot butterbeer.

"Merry Christmas!" I said happily, raising my butterbeer."

Professors McGonagall and Flitwick had just entered the pub with a flurry of snowflakes, shortly followed by Hagrid, who was deep in conversation with a portly man in a lime-green bowler hat and a pinstriped cloak — Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic.

In an instant, Ron and Hermione had both placed hands on the top of Harry's head and forced him off his stool and under the table. I whispered, "Mobiliarbus!" The Christmas tree beside our table rose a few inches off the ground, drifted sideways, and landed with a soft thump right in front of their table, hiding us from view.

"That's better," Hermione whispered.

I could hear the grunts and sighs of the teachers and minister as they sat down. Next, I saw another pair of feet, wearing sparkly turquoise high heels, and heard a woman's voice. _Madam Rosmerta, _I recognized.

"A small gillywater —"

"Mine," said Professor McGonagall's voice.

"Four pints of mulled mead —"

"Ta, Rosmerta," said Hagrid.

"A cherry syrup and soda with ice and umbrella —"

"Mmm!" said Professor Flitwick, smacking his lips.

"So you'll be the red currant rum, Minister."

"Thank you, Rosmerta, m'dear," said Fudge's voice. "Lovely to see you again, I must say. Have one yourself, won't you? Come and join us…"

"Well, thank you very much, Minister." I watched the glittering heels march away and back again

"So, what brings you to this neck of the woods, Minister?" came Madam Rosmerta's voice.

The lower part of Fudge's thick body twist in his chair as though he were checking for eavesdroppers. Then he said in a quiet voice, "What else, m'dear, but Sirius Black? I daresay you heard what happened up at the school at Halloween?"

"I did hear a rumor," admitted Madam Rosmerta.

"Did you tell the whole pub, Hagrid?" said Professor McGonagall exasperatedly.

"Do you think Black's still in the area, Minister?" whispered Madam Rosmerta.

"I'm sure of it," said Fudge shortly.

"You know that the Dementors have searched the whole village twice?" said Madam Rosmerta, a slight edge to her voice. "Scared all my customers away… It's very bad for business, Minister."

"Rosmerta, dear, I don't like them any more than you do," said Fudge uncomfortably. "Necessary precaution… unfortunate, but there you are… I've just met some of them. They're in a fury against Dumbledore — he won't let them inside the castle grounds."

"I should think not," said Professor McGonagall sharply. "How are we supposed to teach with those horrors floating around?"

"Hear, hear!" squeaked tiny Professor Flitwick, whose feet were dangling a foot from the ground.

"All the same," demurred Fudge, "they are here to protect you all from something much worse… We all know what Black's capable of…"

"Do you know, I still have trouble believing it," said Madam Rosmerta thoughtfully.

"Of all the people to go over to the Dark Side, Sirius Black was the last I'd have thought… I mean, I remember him when he was a boy at Hogwarts. If you'd told me then what he was going to become, I'd have said you'd had too much mead."

"You don't know the half of it, Rosmerta," said Fudge gruffly. "The worst he did isn't widely known."

"The worst?" said Madam Rosmerta, her voice alive with curiosity. "Worse than murdering all those poor people, you mean?"

"I certainly do," said Fudge. "I can't believe that. What could possibly be worse?"

"You say you remember him at Hogwarts, Rosmerta," murmured Professor McGonagall. "Do you remember who his best friend was?"

"Naturally," said Madam Rosmerta, with a small laugh. "Never saw one without the other, did you? The number of times I had them in here — ooh, they used to make me laugh. Quite the double act, Sirius Black and James Potter!"

Harry dropped his tankard with a loud clunk. I widened my eyes and bit my lip, I thought I knew all about Sirius Black, but this was much, much worse.

"Precisely," said Professor McGonagall. "Black and Potter. Ringleaders of their little gang. Both very bright, of course — exceptionally bright, in fact — but I don't think we've ever had such a pair of troublemakers —"

"I dunno," chuckled Hagrid. "Fred and George Weasley could give 'em a run fer their money."

"You'd have thought Black and Potter were brothers!" chimed in Professor Flitwick. "Inseparable!"

I felt my face go red. _Brothers. _And yet, he forgot his own brother. It wasn't really his fault, but maybe if Sirius actually cared about his brother, he would've had a proper family. _I'd have a proper family_.

"Of course they were," said Fudge. "Potter trusted Black beyond all his other friends. Nothing changed when they left school. Black was best man when James married Lily. Then they named him godfather to Harry. Harry has no idea, of course. You can imagine how the idea would torment him."

"Because Black turned out to be in league with You-Know-Who?" whispered Madam Rosmerta.

"Worse even than that, m'dear…" Fudge dropped his voice and proceeded in a sort of low rumble. "Not many people are aware that the Potters knew You-Know-Who was after them. Dumbledore, who was of course working tirelessly against You-Know-Who, had a number of useful spies. One of them tipped him off, and he alerted James and Lily at once. He advised them to go into hiding. Well, of course, You-Know-Who wasn't an easy person to hide from. Dumbledore told them that their best chance was the Fidelius Charm."

"How does that work?" said Madam Rosmerta, breathless with interest. Professor Flitwick cleared his throat.

"An immensely complex spell," he said squeakily, "involving the magical concealment of a secret inside a single, living soul. The information is hidden inside the chosen person, or Secret Keeper, and is henceforth impossible to find — unless, of course, the Secret-Keeper chooses to divulge it. As long as the Secret-Keeper refused to speak, You-Know-Who could search the village where Lily and James were staying for years and never find them, not even if he had his nose pressed against their sitting room window!"

"So Black was the Potters' Secret-Keeper?" whispered Madam Rosmerta.

"Naturally," said Professor McGonagall. "James Potter told Dumbledore that Black would die rather than tell where they were, that Black was planning to go into hiding himself… and yet, Dumbledore remained worried. I remember him offering to be the Potters' Secret-Keeper himself."

"He suspected Black?" gasped Madam Rosmerta.

"He was sure that somebody close to the Potters had been keeping You-Know-Who informed of their movements," said Professor McGonagall darkly. "Indeed, he had suspected for some time that someone on our side had turned traitor and was passing a lot of information to You-Know-Who."

"But James Potter insisted on using Black?"

"He did," said Fudge heavily.

"And then, barely a week after the Fidelius Charm had been performed —"

"Black betrayed them?" breathed Madam Rosmerta.

"He did indeed. Black was tired of his double-agent role, he was ready to declare his support openly for You-Know-Who, and he seems to have planned this for the moment of the Potters' death. But, as we all know, You-Know-Who met his downfall in little Harry Potter. Powers gone, horribly weakened, he fled. And this left Black in a very nasty position indeed. His master had fallen at the very moment when he, Black, had shown his true colors as a traitor. He had no choice but to run for it —"

"Filthy, stinkin' turncoat!" Hagrid said, so loudly that half the bar went quiet.

"Shh!" said Professor McGonagall.

"I met him!" growled Hagrid. "I musta bin the last ter see him before he killed all them people! It was me what rescued Harry from Lily an' James's house after they was killed! Jus' got him outta the ruins, poor little thing, with a great slash across his forehead, an' his parents dead… an' Sirius Black turns up, on that flyin' motorbike he used ter ride. Never occurred ter me what he was doin' there. I didn' know he'd bin Lily an' James's Secret-Keeper. Thought he'd jus' heard the news o' You-Know-Who's attack an' come ter see what he could do. White an' shakin', he was. An' yeh know what I did? I COMFORTED THE MURDERIN' TRAITOR!" Hagrid roared.

"Hagrid, please!" said Professor McGonagall. "Keep your voice down!"

"How was I ter know he wasn' upset abou' Lily an' James? It was You-Know-Who he cared abou'! An' then he says, 'Give Harry ter me, Hagrid, I'm his godfather, I'll look after him —' Ha! But I'd had me orders from Dumbledore, an' I told Black no, Dumbledore said Harry was ter go ter his aunt an' uncle's. Black argued, but in the end he gave in. Told me ter take his motorbike ter get Harry there. 'I won't need it anymore,' he says. "I shoulda known there was somethin' fishy goin' on then. He loved that motorbike, what was he givin' it ter me for? Why wouldn' he need it anymore? Fact was, it was too easy ter trace. Dumbledore knew he'd bin the Potters' Secret-Keeper. Black knew he was goin' ter have ter run fer it that night, knew it was a matter o' hours before the Ministry was after him.

"But what if I'd given Harry to him, eh? I bet he'd've pitched him off the bike halfway out ter sea. His bes' friends' son! But when a wizard goes over ter the Dark Side, there's nothin' and no one that matters to em anymore…"

A long silence followed Hagrid's story.

Then Madam Rosmerta said with some satisfaction, "But he didn't manage to disappear, did he? The Ministry of Magic caught up with him next day!"

"Alas, if only we had," said Fudge bitterly.

"It was not we who found him. It was little Peter Pettigrew — another of the Potters' friends. Maddened by grief, no doubt, and knowing that Black had been the Potters' Secret-Keeper, he went after Black himself."

"Pettigrew… that fat little boy who was always tagging around after them at Hogwarts?" said Madam Rosmerta.

"Hero — worshipped Black and Potter," said Professor McGonagall. "Never quite in their league, talent-wise. I was often rather sharp with him. You can imagine how I — how I regret that now…" She sounded as though she had a sudden head cold.

"There, now, Minerva," said Fudge kindly, "Pettigrew died a hero's death. Eyewitnesses — Muggles, of course, we wiped their memories later — told us how Pettigrew cornered Black. They say he was sobbing, 'Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?' And then he went for his wand. Well, of course, Black was quicker. Blew Pettigrew to smithereens…"

Professor McGonagall blew her nose and said thickly, "Stupid boy… foolish boy… he was always hopeless at dueling… should have left it to the Ministry…"

"I tell yeh, if I'd got ter Black before little Pettigrew did, I wouldn't've messed around with wands — I'd 've ripped him limb — from — limb," Hagrid growled.

"You don't know what you're talking about, Hagrid," said Fudge sharply. "Nobody but trained Hit Wizards from the Magical Law Enforcement Squad would have stood a chance against Black once he was cornered. I was Junior Minister in the Department of Magical Catastrophes at the time, and I was one of the first on the scene after Black murdered all those people. I — I will never forget it. I still dream about it sometimes. A crater in the middle of the street, so deep it had cracked the sewer below. Bodies everywhere. Muggles screaming. And Black standing there laughing, with what was left of Pettigrew in front of him… a heap of bloodstained robes and a few — a few fragments —" Fudge's voice stopped abruptly.

There was the sound of five noses being blown.

"And, of course, Potter wasn't the only boy whose life Black'd ruined," Professor McGonagall said in disappointment.

"What does that mean?" Madam Rosmerta asked with increasing curiosity.

Fudge cleared his throat. "Marlene McKinnon-"

"Brilliant student!" McGonagall remarked, blowing her nose one again.

_Oh shit. _I pulled the long sleeves of my sweater and hid my face behind the rim of my cup going _completely_ red.

"-well, she helped in capturing _many _Death Eaters. The whole lot of 'em were out for her blood. And of course, for the safety of her child, she hid him with her mother under the Fidelius charm. She was the Secret Keeper. When Travers and other Death Eaters wiped out her family. Everyone who visited the house became Secret Keepers. And Sirius and his friends always visited the place. The night she died, Greyback attacked the poor boy."

Ron and Hermione were staring at me with wide eyes.

"Tragic, very tragic." Fudge added.

"But why would Sirius have it in for McKinnon's son?"

McGonagall blew her nose once more, "Well, the boy is Black's own nephew. And you know already, how much the brothers hated each other."

"Well, there you have it, Rosmerta," said Fudge thickly. "Black was taken away by twenty members of the Magical Law Enforcement Squad and Pettigrew received the Order of Merlin, First Class, which I think was some comfort to his poor mother. Black's been in Azkaban ever since."

I could see Harry's face red from anger from under the table. My face was red too, but in shame, not anger. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest, my hands shaking. I didn't see any problem in being a werewolf. Professor Lupin was also a werewolf, but also the kindest man I'd met. He was nowhere near a monster. I could handle being one, I just could't handle the hatred I'd have to face. And with the help of the Wolfsbane potion, I was completely harmless. I just sat in the corner of the shrieking shack, and slept in a corner.

"Werewolf." Ron remarked from under his breath. Hermione elbowed him and smiled at me.

"I- well, um - I should be um, going." I said smiling, pretending as though this wasn't the worst moment of my life.


	3. Sirius Black

_Oh moon drunk monster_

_Beautiful and strange,_

_Howl your melancholy question,_

_And tell me which you dread more_

_The echo or the answer?_

It was sometime around Easter, I, as usual, had my head hidden behind a book. The book was filled with pictures. I found it in a shoe-box hidden under the bed in the spare room of the house where I grew up. It hurt to even think about the place, I would love to visit, but i doubted I'd ever feel welcome there anymore. My grandma's death felt like Dragonpox, mild at first; and only later I understood that there was no escape. I tried to convince myself the it'd hurt less as time would pass, but I couldn't just stop missing someone I knew I'd never meet again.

_Maybe in the afterlife_, I hoped.

I kept the book aside and opened the letters inside the box and Merlin, I didn't even know I could miss someone I'd never known. All the letters my Father had written to my Mum, they really did love each other. They were both Quidditch players. _Just like me. _I smiled, hoping that perhaps, in some way, I was just like them. It gave me a sense of humanity, I knew I'd never be anything close to what they were. They died tragic deaths, but at least they knew someone loved them. Which was more than I'd ever be able to say for myself.

After all, who'd dare love a werewolf?

Going through the pictures for about the hundredth time, there was one certain picture that attracted my attention. It was under everything; at the bottom of the box. I'd never seen it. I saw - Professor Lupin in his early twenties. He looked _much_ younger, his arms around (a rather handsome) _Sirius Black, _who was holding a baby in his arms and beside him, my mother. She was looking at the baby - who I guessed, was me. And as much I hated it, I looked nothing like her. She had sharp features, short caramel hair, big brown eyes and a beautiful smile. There were more people - people whom I didn't recognize. A tall man - who looked unmistakably like Harry, kissing the cheek of a very pregnant woman, whose emerald eyes I had been very well accustomed to. Another couple - the woman, again pregnant. After immense amount of thought, I knew where I recognized the mother: _Neville Longbottom. _And in the far right corner, a short, stocky man I didn't recognize.

They all looked so happy.

(_"You named my nephew WHAT?" _

_"Icarus. Icarus Regulus Black-McKinnon." Ava answered, her tone challenging Sirius to question her naming skills. _

_"Blimey, McKinnon." Sirius smiled, running his hands through his raven hair. Whatever the name was, the baby made his stomach go all butterflies with nervousness. He was just so... little... fragile... perfect? He couldn't find the words._

_"I think the name's beautiful." Remus remarked. "Y'know his smile's just like yours." _

_Sirius was observing the little thing from all angles. He couldn't keep Regulus safe, it wouldn't be the same fate for lil Icarus. He wouldn't let it happen. "I know."_

_"I was talking about Ava, Pads." _)

If only they knew the fate that awaited them...

Hearing footsteps growing louder from outside the dorm, I quickly stuffed the picture in the box and hid it under my bed. I peeked outside my window, it was almost sunset. And the full moon was tonight. Coming to this realization, a shadow of frustration cast over me.

I saw the goblet of Wolfsbane by my bedside and, although hesitantly, I drank it up.

The door swung open, and in came Ernie Macmillan. "Heya, Icarus."

"Hullo."

"You goin' somewhere?" I suspected Ernie, being smart, already knew about my lycanthropy.

"Yeah,"

And unsurprisingly, Ernie hadn't asked about my monthly absences.

I left the room hurriedly and headed for the infirmary, "Hullo, Ms. Pomphrey."

"Mr. McKinnon... Yes, your slip." With a flick of her wand, a slip appeared right into my hand, just in case Filch would wonder why I'm leaving the castle. "You've taken your potion, I hope?"

I nodded.

"And don't worry, I'll come and get you first thing in the morning."

"I'll be fine." I exclaimed, leaving the infirmary.

As usual, I picked up a rock and threw it at the knot near the base of the Whomping Willow. I gulped. This was the worst part.

Something was wrong. _What was Professor Snape doing here?_

"Professor Snape?" I called out. "I- er, you should really get out of here!"

Snape looked back, and suddenly, disappeared. _I'm probably hallucinating, _I thought to myself. And for absolutely no reason fathomable, I stood on the stairs, making no movement. Maybe it was because I'd just seen the weirdest thing ever happen. Maybe it was because I was early. Maybe it was because I just didn't want to relive the painful memories that the the Shrieking Shack held. And suddenly -

"YOU'RE PATHETIC! JUST BECAUSE THEY MADE A FOOL OF YOU AT SCHOOL YOU WON'T EVEN LISTEN —" It was a familiar voice.

"SILENCE! I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT!" _Professor Snape? _

My hands were sweaty, and my whole body was, just tired. I went downstairs. I didn't find it surprising that no one had even managed to notice me. Professor Lupin, Ron, Hermione, Harry - they were all there. And then - I couldn't believe it. It was _him_. Snape had his wand positioned between both of his eyes.

Harry raised his wand, "_Expalliarmus._"

Snape was lifted off his feet and slammed into the wall, then slid down it to the floor, a trickle of blood oozing from under his hair. He had been knocked out.

My heart was thumping so hard in my chest, I could barely hear anything. My palms were _so _sweaty. Mustering up the little courage I didn't have, I asked - "What's going on here?"

I could've laughed, they _didn't even_ hear me. I just couldn't stop staring at _Sirius Black_.

"Um- I, er," I gulped. "Is this some sort of _reunion_?" I said angrily, with my newfound courage. And suddenly, all their eyes were on me. For a moment, I didn't care that a _mass murderer _was standing in front of me. I knew that _I_ was the bigger threat.

Lupin's eyes widened. "Icarus." He was standing next to Sirius, like a friend - a _brother._

At the name, Black looked straight at me. I looked away from him, knowing I didn't deserve it; the pain, after everything. I didn't want it, even if I did deserve it.

"I can't believe it." I whispered under my breath, realization hitting me. "Professor, you- you really believe he's-" I looked straight at Black, not having much to say about the situation.

"I didn't believe it at first but- just hear him out Icarus." It was as if Lupin had somehow known. Known that I had desperately wanted - _needed _\- Sirius to be innocent. "I know you will."

The way he spoke, I knew, that Lupin wanted the same thing.


	4. Moony,Wormtail,Padfoot & The Golden Trio

_Why is it that when_

_Our bodies are hurt_

_We snap to attention,_

_But emotional pain_

_Is long forgotten?_

It was, as though I was walking on water, I expected myself to drown any moment. I could feel the heat capturing my face, the heat being the only thing I could feel. My heart beating so loudly, it was deafening; I couldn't hear, and neither could I feel. My lip quivered, I could feel the eyes of the crowd boring into me, waiting for a reply.

"Only - _and only _because I trust you, Professor."

"It's time we offered you some proof," said Lupin.

And I simply watched; watched as Scabbers the rat turned into Peter Pettigrew. _The one in the picture._ I just stood there staggered; frozen in the tumult that was my emotions.

My state of shock came into an end when Hermione said, "Er — Mr. Black — Sirius?" For a moment, I thought she was referring to me.

Black jumped at being addressed like this and stared at Hermione as though he had never seen anything quite like her.

"If you don't mind me asking, how — how did you get out of Azkaban, if you didn't use Dark Magic?"

"Thank you!" gasped Pettigrew, nodding frantically at her. "Exactly! Precisely what I —"

But Lupin silenced him with a look. Black was frowning slightly at Hermione, but not as though he were annoyed with her. He seemed to be pondering his answer.

"I don't know how I did it," he said slowly. "I think the only reason I never lost my mind is that I knew I was innocent. That wasn't a happy thought, so the Dementors couldn't suck it out of me… but it kept me sane and knowing who I am… helped me keep my powers… so when it all became… too much… I could transform in my cell… become a dog. Dementors can't see, you know…" He swallowed. "They feel their way toward people by feeding off their emotions… They could tell that my feelings were less — less human, less complex when I was a dog… but they thought, of course, that I was losing my mind like everyone else in there, so it didn't trouble them. But I was weak, very weak, and I had no hope of driving them away from me without a wand... But then I saw Peter in that picture… I realized he was at Hogwarts with Harry… perfectly positioned to act, if one hint reached his ears that the Dark Side was gathering strength again…"

Pettigrew was shaking his head, mouthing noiselessly, but staring all the while at Black as though hypnotized.

"… ready to strike at the moment he could be sure of allies… and to deliver the last Potter to them. If he gave them Harry, who'd dare say he'd betrayed Lord Voldemort? He'd be welcomed back with honors… So you see, I had to do something. I was the only one who knew Peter was still alive... It was as if someone had lit a fire In my head, and the Dementors couldn't destroy it… It wasn't a happy feeling… It was an obsession… But it gave me strength, it cleared my mind. So, one night when they opened my door to bring food, I slipped past them as a dog… It's so much harder for them to sense animal emotions that they were confused… I was thin, very thin… thin enough to slip through the bars… I swam as a dog back to the mainland… I journeyed north and slipped into the Hogwarts grounds as a dog. I've been living in the forest ever since, except when I came to watch the Quidditch, of course. You fly as well as your father did, Harry…"

_Ouch, _a voice in my head muttered. A sharp pang of jealousy stung me. I didn't want to feel jealous... but I mean, I see my only living relative left and all he can do is talk about Harry Potter.

Sirius looked at Harry and so did I.

Harry looked back at Sirius, and so did _I_.

And then I realized, perhaps, I shouldn't feel so jealous. Sirius is the only family Harry's _ever_ known. And after the pang of jealousy, came the wave of guilt. I felt horrible for ever being jealous.

"Believe me," croaked Black. "Believe me, Harry. I never betrayed James and Lily. I would have died before I betrayed them."

Harry nodded.

"No! Sirius — it's me… it's Peter… your friend… you wouldn't —" Black kicked out and Pettigrew recoiled.

Pettigrew went over to Ron, pleading, imploring him to his change mind.

Then Hermione.

Then Harry.

And then...

"Your- your mother would show her mercy... You- you have her smile... Icarus..."

I froze, once again. This is Pettigrew, I reminded myself, he orphaned Harry. Whatever the reason, did I really want to see a man be killed? Even if I did have an opinion, I knew I had no right to say it. Pettigrew had done nothing to me. _He's the reason you're a monster, _a voice in the back of my head spoke, _of course you have a right_. I immediately shut it out.

Sirius roared, "DON'T YOU DARE -"

"I know- that, um- it really isn't my place. But I-" I kept on jumbling my words, distracted by Sirius' gaze.

"Yes?" Professor Lupin asked, rather kindly.

"-do you really think he's worth murdering?"

"Icarus' right." Harry added. "Alive- " He looked at Sirius, "you go free. Dead- the truth dies with him."

"And they wouldn't _ever_ believe the word of four _students_." Hermione, being the smart witch she was, had thought this through. "Especially when-"

"- one of us is a werewolf." I ended for her.

"When Professor Snape has his own version of the story." She spoke, louder than me, glaring at me with a look that reminded me of what my Grandma always said - you're not a monster, you're just Icarus.

Black and Lupin both looked staggered.

"Harry, this piece of vermin is the reason you have no parents," Black snarled. "This cringing bit of filth would have seen you die too, without turning a hair. You heard him. His own stinking skin meant more to him than your whole family."

it was pretty obvious how desperate Black was to kill Pettigrew. I reckon I'd have wanted to kill him too if I were in his place. Would I? _No, _actually_, I suppose not._

"I know, we'll take him up to the castle. We'll hand him over to the Dementors… He can go to Azkaban… but don't kill him."

"Harry!" gasped Pettigrew, and he flung his arms around Harry's knees. "You — thank you — it's more than I deserve — thank you —"

"Get off me," Harry spat, throwing Pettigrew's hands off him in disgust. "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it because — I don't reckon my dad would've wanted them to become killers — just for you."

"You're the only person who has the right to decide, Harry," Black said, his breath rasping in his throat. "But think... Think about what he's done..."

There was something so unbelievable believable about this. I'd wished so much, _so much_, for this one thing. Then why does it all feel so... empty? I thought it'd rid me of my loneliness, yet it only made me lonelier, standing in the corner, not being able to do anything. This man, towards whom I had felt pure loathe, standing in front of me... I knew only one thing: the secret was out. And how I hated being wrong.

Lupin tied Pettigrew up, he was bound and gagged, wriggling on the floor. "Right," Lupin said, suddenly business-like. "Ron, I can't mend broken legs as well as Madam Pomfrey, so I think it's best if we just strap your leg up until we can get you to the hospital wing." Then, deciding it was best not to revive Snape until they were back in the castle, he bound him up. Snape was pulled into a standing position, head still lolling unpleasantly.

Black conjured heavy manacles from thin air, soon Pettigrew was upright again. Right arm chained to Lupin's left; left arm chained to Ron's right.

_Something's wrong._ I just couldn't put my finger on it. I kept on replaying the day in my head, and it begun to dawn on me. How could I have forgotten?

Had it been too late? We were already getting back into the tunnel. "Something's wrong," I muttered.

"What?" Hermione asked, rather loudly.

"It's a full moon tonight."


End file.
